Haré Bimbingan

Residen sering kali mengeluhkan koass yang malas bimbingan. Kalau boleh jujur, mungkin memang cara belajar koass zaman sekarang itu berbeda. Sejak pendidikan sarjana, kami sudah dibiasakan untuk mencari learning issue yang berasal dari trigger case. Jadi sebenarnya bukan sindiran ‘kalian ga butuh ilmu dari kita?’ yang bisa membuat kami belajar, tapi rasa penasaran.

Misalnya saja ketika ada teman di luar kedokteran yang bertanya, kami jadi semangat untuk mencari jawaban dengan cara apapun. Atau ketika jaga ada yang tidak kami mengerti, kami nanti akan browsing sendiri atau bertanya kepada residen. So, yang dibutuhkan adalah kondisi terjepit. That’s it.

Berulang kali ketika koass saya dimarahi residen karena kelompok tidak meminta bimbingan. Padahal bukan karena tidak ‘butuh’, tapi saat itu tidak ada trigger factor yang mengeksitasi keinginan mencari tahu.

Ada tiga hal yang bisa membuat seseorang belajar:

  1. Karena takut
  2. Penasaran
  3. Merasa perlu
  4. Maniak belajar

Karena takut menjelang ujian atau takut ditanya – tanya konsulen, koass – koass ini akan gencar membaca. Atau ketika penasaran dan kepepet karena ditanya teman, wah dek koass ini akan serius mencari hingga mendapatkan jawaban yang memuaskan.

Seringnya, koass itu tidak sadar ilmu tersebut diperlukan, karena memang kondisinya koass yang observer selama ini merasa dalam posisi ‘aman’. Barulah di saat kepepet dek koass sadar, “coba aja dulu belajarnya bener – bener.’ Yang terakhir, hanya satu dari seribu koass – koass yang hobinya memang menuntut ilmu. salah satunya adalah teman saya yang setiap nafasnya saja bersama textbook. Baca syahadat yuk! you know who? :p

Love Is In The Small Things

cooking

by Puuung

“Hey, do you want to eat Indomie goreng? I will cook for you.” I love when he cooked and made a glass of milk for me. He said, “This is a compliment for you. Today, I want to serve you.”

I was so blessed to have him by my side. I was so thankful for every little gesture we tried to give each other. I was so happy because I found a person who eagers to learn, who loves reading the books. I also found a friend to eat together.

I’m happy with everything he did, when we picked me up at night, when he bought me food with the money he got. He took care of me well. He said I was so fat, but again, he bought me food and make me so tummy again and again.

The things he did in a week should be my booster for the next two months. But, don’t take everything for granted. I should be a better me because he deserves it, we deserve it. Some are happy with the diamond ring. It’s only need a plate of Indomie goreng to make me cry deep inside because of so much happiness.

I’m sorry because I want to eat a lot

I’m sorry for talking too much

I’m sorry because I’m so out of words to explain everything I feel

Would you like to be my world and grow with me?

Sharing & Caring

My Daddy always gives me another perspective about every little things in life. He talks much about sharing and caring. I never share too much with someone beside my family or my inner circle friend. Sharing too much sometimes reminds me about being left by the person I love the most. Then my handsome Daddy gives me an insight : “You have to share and make others happy.”

Give more, smile more, and make people happy.

I realized that I scared of being left, being rejected. I was finding it hard to open into the new relationship. Because when it ended, I’m not only loose one person, but also my new family. Of course it was a nightmare for me. Be grateful, because all of the past sadness are making a better me today. So, in the end, when I could meet the right person, in the right time, I would give him the best I could.

And I come into a new way of thinking, for now on, if I still breath I should take care of the person I love. All the things we have is just rented from Allah and Allah could take it anytime. So we should thank to Allah because we could live with a lovely family in this world. When the shit comes up, maybe it would break my heart into pieces. But I believe that the important thing in life is “Do the best and let Allah takes for the rest.“

Titipan

Semua hanyalah titipan, baik itu harta, keluarga, pasangan, ataupun anak. Bisa saja Allah mengambilnya sewaktu – waktu. Saya jadi merasa diingatkan agar menjadi lebih bijak, agar kita selalu berusaha menjaga titipan dengan sebaik – baiknya, tetapi kita juga harus ikhlas dan siap dengan kehilangan. 

Jarak, Sejengkal Rindu

Jarak memberikan kesempatan agar kita bisa lebih banyak merenungkan betapa banyak yang sudah kita terima.

Apakah kita sudah cukup banyak memberi?

Apakah kita tidak lupa mengucapkan terima kasih?

Apakah kita tidak lupa mengatakan jika kita merasa sangat bahagia dan merasa cukup?

Jarak mengajarkan arti kehadiran baik secara fisik maupun emosional.

Jarak tak luput meninggalkan jejak, sejengkal kerinduan.

pantai

Menjalani Konsekuensi

Tiba-tiba kebiasaan saya merancang masa depan menjadi terblock, blank. Yang saya tahu, setelah ini saya akan internship, sisanya saya tidak tahu.

Seketika, keputusan yang saya ambil akan memberikan konsekuensi lain, tanggung jawab, amanah yang baru. Dan saat ini juga mindset saya tentang masa depan berubah. Bisa dibilang sebuah konsekuensi membuat saya menjadi orang yang lebih realistis.

Saya merasa menjadi lebih lemah dan sangat bergantung hanya pada pertolongan Allah. Saya sadar cita-cita yang begitu saya inginkan telah menemukan jalannya, dan sekarang saya sedang berada di depan pintu gerbang. “Assalamualaikum, Dung!” Masa depan menyapa saya, lembut.

Sekarang, segala yang saya lakukan akan berimbas pada orang lain, kemalasan saya, sikap egois saya. Semoga kesibukan dan rutinitas yang saya jalani tidak melupakan siapa saya? Siapa yang menciptakan saya? Sebagai apa saya diciptakan? Kepada siapa saya akan kembali?

Detik ini pikiran saya jauh dari ingin Honda Civic, seperti saya SMP dulu. Atau ingin punya anak 5, seperti saat saya kuliah. Bisa dibilang, isi pikiran saya adalah kegamangan. Mungkin tidak lama lagi semua teori yang saya baca di buku akan terjadi, jauh berbeda dengan kenyataan yang ada. Dan itu membuat saya cukup deg deg-an, bisakah saya menjalani dengan sebaik-baiknya?

Hikmah Sederhana

Saya sedang membeli lauk di pedagang keliling yang biasa mampir ke puskesmas, “Mbak, ini semua dibikin terus dijualin sendiri?”

“Iyalah Neng!” Kata Mbak penjual sambil tersenyum.

Setelah Mbak penjual pergi mama bilang, “Ca, orang itu mau cari uang kerja keras. Makanya kita juga harus sungguh-sungguh.”

Banyak hal yang saya teladani dari Ibu Suri, Mama saya yang kadang galak dan sering ngomel-ngomel itu. Mungkin karena menjelang menopause Mama menjadi lebih sensitif. Tapi saya sadari Mama sekarang semakin bijak ketika ingin menyampaikan pesan untuk anak-anaknya.

Mama mengajarkan agar selalu berbuat baik pada orang lain, bagaimanapun mereka memperlakukan kita. Mungkin dulu banyak kesalahan yang kita lakukan, tapi itu tidak membuat kita menjadi orang yang buruk seterusnya. Kita memiliki hak dan kesempatan dari Allah untuk berubah. Itulah yang saya lihat dari Mama dan ingin saya terapkan pada kehidupan sehari-hari saya. Sudah saatnya kita memaafkan kesalahan diri sendiri di masa lalu dan berusaha membahagiakan orang-orang di sekitar kita mulai sekarang. Insha Allah.

Where We Have to Put Our Trust?

I always scared to trust someone. Letting them know more about you is like reopen the deepest secret in your life.

Every writer wants to publish their masterpiece, so do I. But writing is a process so I don’t know when I could constantly write. From the 2011, I build two characters. I really want to finish their story. I already made some, and I was too stupid not to make a back up. When my laptop error, so all of the story is gone, sadly.

I want to ‘wake up’ the characters again, so I thought to find them back from where the story started, Tumblr. For some reason I leave my tumblr and all of my posts. I burned it with all my anger, my faith, my fear of being rejected as I am, as an ordinary person. It was really hurt when people looking at you because of the pride.

The dark memory comes along with the new distraction. Someone comes and being your muse, which makes you feel easier to catch your hope. It makes you remember again being unwanted. You were abandoned by the person you started to trust. I never sure where I have to put my trust? I don’t know whether I should fully trust to someone and being hurt or I just give them my half trust, then I pretended I don’t want to know anything.

I am too overthinking as usual, but I just prepare for the worst. 

When there are some people that really know your curiosity that makes you live your life, you just too scared to lose them, right?

You may never ever break someone trust because you don’t know if that is the last trust they have. 

The Transformation : Up and Down of A Metamorphosis

My mom really knew that I was too weak in my transition..

Everybody said, “It would be easy, just calm down.” But they didn’t know I felt broken inside.
I denial every morning since I did my exit exam. I don’t want to go outside. I didn’t know how to get the money that I used to get from my mom and I was too afraid to work out there. That was the first time I thought I should never take anything for granted.

This was the third day since I worked in the primary health care. I realized how moody and how bad temper, I am. I didn’t talk it out loud, but I kept it in my mind. When I came home, I laid under the blanket and thought about what I did that day.

When I was an intern, I used to run away if something made me feel bad. I remembered I felt bad when the staff in the hospital said something bad, or they didn’t fair to intern. The next day, I did not want to do anything. I let them busy on their own. Or when my friend insisted to go to the clinic, I stayed quiet and I haven’t talked much since I really angry to them. I used to run when someone treats me badly. I hate when they did that to me. Maybe because they are senior they could do anything like that.

I was too childish before. I don’t want to hide anymore.

I really thank to my mommy and her friends. They really help me in my metamorphosis from a medical student to become a real doctor. Even I didn’t talk about my fear. My mom helps me to pass it. This is hard to adapt. I have to face the real patient, who expect a lot from me and my mommy’s friend’s who always see what I’ll do. I never knew that I was freaking out and clueless until I met my friend at the coffee shop. I talked to them, I laughed. My mom’s let me meet my friend after the work is done. It really helped me out of my fear, my stress, my culture shock.

Now I listen more to my mom. I realized I have to lower my tone even sometimes I know more than her.

In the last 2 weeks I could write some notes:

  1. Be humble
  2. Look, listen, and feel from the surroundings
  3. Learn anytime, anywhere
  4. Respect the others
  5. Talk nicely or you better shut your mouth up
  6. Never take anything for granted
  7. Give more
  8. Smiling more
  9. Read every day
  10. Get the hikmah
  11. Behave
  12. Help your friend
  13. Be inisiative
  14. Don’t forget to pray
  15. Pray more for your parents
  16. Say Alhamdulillah..

I’m still not comfortable with my ‘transformation’, but I hoped I could be a humble practitioner like my mom. I hope I could be smarter than her. But I hope that I could be a barakah doctor so can makes my parent got the ticket to Jannah. Amin..