The Transformation : Up and Down of A Metamorphosis

My mom really knew that I was too weak in my transition..

Everybody said, “It would be easy, just calm down.” But they didn’t know I felt broken inside.
I denial every morning since I did my exit exam. I don’t want to go outside. I didn’t know how to get the money that I used to get from my mom and I was too afraid to work out there. That was the first time I thought I should never take anything for granted.

This was the third day since I worked in the primary health care. I realized how moody and how bad temper, I am. I didn’t talk it out loud, but I kept it in my mind. When I came home, I laid under the blanket and thought about what I did that day.

When I was an intern, I used to run away if something made me feel bad. I remembered I felt bad when the staff in the hospital said something bad, or they didn’t fair to intern. The next day, I did not want to do anything. I let them busy on their own. Or when my friend insisted to go to the clinic, I stayed quiet and I haven’t talked much since I really angry to them. I used to run when someone treats me badly. I hate when they did that to me. Maybe because they are senior they could do anything like that.

I was too childish before. I don’t want to hide anymore.

I really thank to my mommy and her friends. They really help me in my metamorphosis from a medical student to become a real doctor. Even I didn’t talk about my fear. My mom helps me to pass it. This is hard to adapt. I have to face the real patient, who expect a lot from me and my mommy’s friend’s who always see what I’ll do. I never knew that I was freaking out and clueless until I met my friend at the coffee shop. I talked to them, I laughed. My mom’s let me meet my friend after the work is done. It really helped me out of my fear, my stress, my culture shock.

Now I listen more to my mom. I realized I have to lower my tone even sometimes I know more than her.

In the last 2 weeks I could write some notes:

  1. Be humble
  2. Look, listen, and feel from the surroundings
  3. Learn anytime, anywhere
  4. Respect the others
  5. Talk nicely or you better shut your mouth up
  6. Never take anything for granted
  7. Give more
  8. Smiling more
  9. Read every day
  10. Get the hikmah
  11. Behave
  12. Help your friend
  13. Be inisiative
  14. Don’t forget to pray
  15. Pray more for your parents
  16. Say Alhamdulillah..

I’m still not comfortable with my ‘transformation’, but I hoped I could be a humble practitioner like my mom. I hope I could be smarter than her. But I hope that I could be a barakah doctor so can makes my parent got the ticket to Jannah. Amin..



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