My mom really knew that I was too weak in my transition..
Everybody said, “It would be easy, just calm down.” But they didn’t know I felt broken inside.
I denial every morning since I did my exit exam. I don’t want to go outside. I didn’t know how to get the money that I used to get from my mom and I was too afraid to work out there. That was the first time I thought I should never take anything for granted.
This was the third day since I worked in the primary health care. I realized how moody and how bad temper, I am. I didn’t talk it out loud, but I kept it in my mind. When I came home, I laid under the blanket and thought about what I did that day.
When I was an intern, I used to run away if something made me feel bad. I remembered I felt bad when the staff in the hospital said something bad, or they didn’t fair to intern. The next day, I did not want to do anything. I let them busy on their own. Or when my friend insisted to go to the clinic, I stayed quiet and I haven’t talked much since I really angry to them. I used to run when someone treats me badly. I hate when they did that to me. Maybe because they are senior they could do anything like that.
I was too childish before. I don’t want to hide anymore.
I really thank to my mommy and her friends. They really help me in my metamorphosis from a medical student to become a real doctor. Even I didn’t talk about my fear. My mom helps me to pass it. This is hard to adapt. I have to face the real patient, who expect a lot from me and my mommy’s friend’s who always see what I’ll do. I never knew that I was freaking out and clueless until I met my friend at the coffee shop. I talked to them, I laughed. My mom’s let me meet my friend after the work is done. It really helped me out of my fear, my stress, my culture shock.
Now I listen more to my mom. I realized I have to lower my tone even sometimes I know more than her.
In the last 2 weeks I could write some notes:
- Be humble
- Look, listen, and feel from the surroundings
- Learn anytime, anywhere
- Respect the others
- Talk nicely or you better shut your mouth up
- Never take anything for granted
- Give more
- Smiling more
- Read every day
- Get the hikmah
- Help your friend
- Be inisiative
- Don’t forget to pray
- Pray more for your parents
- Say Alhamdulillah..
I’m still not comfortable with my ‘transformation’, but I hoped I could be a humble practitioner like my mom. I hope I could be smarter than her. But I hope that I could be a barakah doctor so can makes my parent got the ticket to Jannah. Amin..