Menyikapi Kehilangan

Kehilangan seseorang itu begitu menakutkan. Apalagi kenangannya yang selalu membayangi. Berulang kali kehilangan membuat saya belajar, bahwa jatuh itu memang sakit. Tapi bangkit lagi itu harga mati. Seperti yang Butet bilang, “You have to make a better life for your future children. Live your life as good as your mother always does.”

I’m scared to death, really. Tapi ada lagu yang menurut saya membuat saya agak bijak menyikapi kemungkinan kehilangan. Jadi, lagu ini saya dengarkan tepat setelah kemarin saya curhat. Saya merasa jauh lebih baik setelah didengarkan. Betapa saya merasa bahagia dan berterima kasih dengan kehadiran orang yang menyayangi saya. Mirip lagu Bill Withers – Lovely Day , Then I look at you, and the world’s alright with me. But what if we lose someone we used to talk with?

Then I look at you
And the world’s alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it’s gonna be
A lovely day

Bill Withers – Lovely Day

Kehilangan memang menyedihkan. Tapi bukan berarti kehilangan membuat kita lalai dan menjadi orang yang lebih buruk dari hari kemarin. Simpan yang baik – baik saja di hati kita. Ketika kita kehilangan seseorang, cobalah jadikan kebaikan – kebaikan yang pernah ditanamkan sebagai bekal semangat di kehidupannya ke depannya. Jadi nanti kalimatnya diganti, “Then I remember you, and the world’s alright with me. And I know it’s gonna be a lovely day.”

Hey, awalnya baru mau dimulai. Kenapa udah drama?

Ps: I would live well.. I promise. ❤ 

 

Bayang Rasa

Bayangkan, pikirkan, kemudian coba rasakan.

Pernah ga sih kamu membayangkan atau paling tidak memikirkan apakah pasangan kamu adalah kelabu seperti yang kamu lihat?

Saat kamu melihat seorang anak kecil berlari, apakah kamu tahu berapa kali Ia pernah jatuh?

Saat seorang anak kecil tertawa, tahukah kamu berapa kali orang tuanya mencoba membuatnya tertawa saat Ia menangis?

Saat seseorang bertemu denganmu, tertawa, dan menjadi dirinya yang terbaik, tahukah betapa banyak ego yang Ia lunturkan, ketakutan yang Ia coba sembunyikan?

Jatuh itu takdir, dan kembali bangkit adalah pilihan. Seseorang yang sering jatuh akan lebih banyak mempersiapkan diri agar tidak jatuh. Mungkin Ia hidup dengan banyak jahitan. Takukah jika seseorang yang hidup dengan banyak jatihan mungkin akan lebih rapuh? Ia hanya terlalu kuat menyembunyikan ketakutannya.

Coba bayangkan, menjadi seseorang dengan segala kehidupannya.
Coba pikirkan, tidak mudah menjadi Ia yang seperti saat ini.
Coba rasakan, menjadi Ia yang seolah terlihat tegar.

Tidak mudah menjadi Ia.

Love Is In The Small Things

cooking

by Puuung

“Hey, do you want to eat Indomie goreng? I will cook for you.” I love when he cooked and made a glass of milk for me. He said, “This is a compliment for you. Today, I want to serve you.”

I was so blessed to have him by my side. I was so thankful for every little gesture we tried to give each other. I was so happy because I found a person who eagers to learn, who loves reading the books. I also found a friend to eat together.

I’m happy with everything he did, when we picked me up at night, when he bought me food with the money he got. He took care of me well. He said I was so fat, but again, he bought me food and make me so tummy again and again.

The things he did in a week should be my booster for the next two months. But, don’t take everything for granted. I should be a better me because he deserves it, we deserve it. Some are happy with the diamond ring. It’s only need a plate of Indomie goreng to make me cry deep inside because of so much happiness.

I’m sorry because I want to eat a lot

I’m sorry for talking too much

I’m sorry because I’m so out of words to explain everything I feel

Would you like to be my world and grow with me?

Jarak, Sejengkal Rindu

Jarak memberikan kesempatan agar kita bisa lebih banyak merenungkan betapa banyak yang sudah kita terima.

Apakah kita sudah cukup banyak memberi?

Apakah kita tidak lupa mengucapkan terima kasih?

Apakah kita tidak lupa mengatakan jika kita merasa sangat bahagia dan merasa cukup?

Jarak mengajarkan arti kehadiran baik secara fisik maupun emosional.

Jarak tak luput meninggalkan jejak, sejengkal kerinduan.

pantai

The Transformation : Up and Down of A Metamorphosis

My mom really knew that I was too weak in my transition..

Everybody said, “It would be easy, just calm down.” But they didn’t know I felt broken inside.
I denial every morning since I did my exit exam. I don’t want to go outside. I didn’t know how to get the money that I used to get from my mom and I was too afraid to work out there. That was the first time I thought I should never take anything for granted.

This was the third day since I worked in the primary health care. I realized how moody and how bad temper, I am. I didn’t talk it out loud, but I kept it in my mind. When I came home, I laid under the blanket and thought about what I did that day.

When I was an intern, I used to run away if something made me feel bad. I remembered I felt bad when the staff in the hospital said something bad, or they didn’t fair to intern. The next day, I did not want to do anything. I let them busy on their own. Or when my friend insisted to go to the clinic, I stayed quiet and I haven’t talked much since I really angry to them. I used to run when someone treats me badly. I hate when they did that to me. Maybe because they are senior they could do anything like that.

I was too childish before. I don’t want to hide anymore.

I really thank to my mommy and her friends. They really help me in my metamorphosis from a medical student to become a real doctor. Even I didn’t talk about my fear. My mom helps me to pass it. This is hard to adapt. I have to face the real patient, who expect a lot from me and my mommy’s friend’s who always see what I’ll do. I never knew that I was freaking out and clueless until I met my friend at the coffee shop. I talked to them, I laughed. My mom’s let me meet my friend after the work is done. It really helped me out of my fear, my stress, my culture shock.

Now I listen more to my mom. I realized I have to lower my tone even sometimes I know more than her.

In the last 2 weeks I could write some notes:

  1. Be humble
  2. Look, listen, and feel from the surroundings
  3. Learn anytime, anywhere
  4. Respect the others
  5. Talk nicely or you better shut your mouth up
  6. Never take anything for granted
  7. Give more
  8. Smiling more
  9. Read every day
  10. Get the hikmah
  11. Behave
  12. Help your friend
  13. Be inisiative
  14. Don’t forget to pray
  15. Pray more for your parents
  16. Say Alhamdulillah..

I’m still not comfortable with my ‘transformation’, but I hoped I could be a humble practitioner like my mom. I hope I could be smarter than her. But I hope that I could be a barakah doctor so can makes my parent got the ticket to Jannah. Amin..

 

A Sweet Torture

Another pain

Another frustration

Another anxiety, a black hole, maybe a limbo

There is no place to hide, you just have to face the fear

There is no time to cry

There is no chance to be weak

Again, something pushes you, no mercy darling

You walk alone, keeping the biggest fear inside

A proverb said,  “No pain no gain.”

You just sigh

There is no turning back, welcome!

Enjoy the sorrow sweety pie!

Mengapa kita begitu mudah mengatakan cinta, menebar janji, menuangkan rindu-rindu padahal bisa jadi besok semuanya berubah? Sebab itulah, tidak semua orang siap dengan komitmen. Sesuatu yang mengikat seseorang tidak peduli bagaimana arah hatinya. Komitmen menjaganya tetap pada niatnya. (Kurniawan Gunadi)

Ambang

Batas antara percaya atau tidak

Batas antara bangun dan jatuh

Batas antara keraguan dan harapan

Antara, yang jaraknya hanya sejengkal

Hujan gelisah jatuh setitik demi setitik melubangi perasaan

Ambang

Aku hampir jatuh, tanpa penyangga

Hingga akhirnya banyak doa – doa bahu membahu sampai ke langit

Eskoriasi mulai regenerasi

Tapi Ambang tetaplah menjadi Ambang, tidak gentar

Mengapa begitu?

Katanya, agar tetap dekat jarak resah dan sajadah